I did it. Number 48 on my list. I bared my pale, soft belly for everyone to see on a New Jersey beach.
Do I feel totally rid of every insecurity and inhibition I've ever had about my body? Of course not. Did I still catch myself covering/hiding my belly a few times? Sure. But did it feel pretty good to say "screw it" and put on my cute green bikini that I haven't worn since our honeymoon (where we didn't know anyone, and I was 8 pounds lighter)?
I'll be 30 in just over a month. I haven't had a flat tummy... ever. I have always carried those few extra pounds right around my middle. Even on our honeymoon, at my thinnest, I was still self-conscious about my belly. I haven't really lost weight recently, though I feel noticeably healthier since I've been working out more often. (Prime example: it was too hot to run outside while we were away, so I did a little Shred-ding with Jillian one morning — and it felt totally easy!).
On vacation last week with my family, I looked around on the beach one day and thought, I am nowhere near being the most fit person on this beach, but I am also far from being the least fit person on this beach. Women and men of all shapes and sizes were comfortable enough in their skin to wear whatever bathing suit their little hearts desired, and I didn't judge them for it. So why have I been judging myself so harshly?
I originally added number 48 to my list as a motivator to lose weight, like this fabulous lady did. And I still do hope to lose a few pounds, and be a little less shy to wear a two-piece someday, without feeling the need to suck in a little... but if I wait for perfection to don a bikini, I'll be waiting forever.
So, I did it. And it felt kind of good, imperfections and all.